Ninjagram
by insomniasucks
Summary: It's all fun and games until your dad sees your nudes. Crack?
1. Chapter 1

**disclaimer: i dont own naruto gaiden. i dont want to lol**

 **crack i guess**

* * *

Bolt Uzumaki let his phone fall freely on the floor. Not caring whether or not the screen cracked from this height, his couch. He'd just finished spamming Mitsuki's profile and was left feeling bored, once again.

He sighed. He couldn't even play with Hima, who was out picking flowers with their aunt Hanabi.

He closed his eyes and in the midst of trying to fall asleep, he heard his phone buzz. Bolt cracked an eye open and tossed his right arm to the floor, fishing for his phone. He glanced at the message only to roll his eyes. What could _she_ possibly want.

He'd received a DM from **S_Uchiha**. His boredom was the only reason he unlocked his phone and opened it, he _swore_.

He found himself quirking a blonde eyebrow at the picture. He wet his lips, looking around carefully. It was only when he made sure that he wasn't getting punked by one of his friends that he ventured a peek back at the photo.

"Oh my...fuck."

Who knew Sarada had it in her to send a nude.

His blue eyes wandered all over her body, wondering had gotten into her. After he shook his head he began typing,

 _sarada wtf put some clothes on girl!_

Boruto glanced back at her legs before double-tapping the picture and typing something else.

* * *

Sarada Uchiha held her breath and clutched the phone close to her chest. After years of stalking and countless failed attempts of getting the picture just right, she sent Bolt a nude. She sat on the sink's counter, dressed solely in her mom's bra and panties.

It was the first time she'd ever done something so risque.

She'd honestly thought he hated her. But after daring to follow him last week and having him follow her back, she figured they stood on pretty good terms. Of course, not good enough terms to send a nude, but she couldn't take it anymore. The way he looked at her since they graduated, the way his chubby cheeks pinked when she'd accidentally sat on his hand and the way he said her name.

She grew tired of waiting for him to say something, so she'd made the first move.

Even though the vibration wasn't even that drastic, it still felt like someone had tased her with Chidori.

She jumped, phone flying to the floor. She slowly caught her breath before reaching down and peeking at the reply. Her eyes read and reread the message countless times before frowning. What was wrong with him? Other boys would've killed to have that picture. She was a pretty girl, her father had told her so!

Maybe the rumors that Bolt was gay really were true..

She knew blocking him would be easy but how was she supposed to ignore him in reality because her teammate had just shot down her advances and what the hell did she look like carrying on like she didn't just send him a racy picture.

Her phone buzzed again and she almost threw her phone when she read what he had sent.

 _or come over(;_

 ** _AND_ ** he'd liked the picture! She pinched herself silly. There was no way he had just invited her to his house. Absolutely no possibility that he'd just said that.

She didn't know how long she stared at the messages, rereading the recent one and giggling to herself like a maniac.

Sasuke had been passing by when he overheard the giggles from inside the bathroom. Ever the overprotective father, he barged in immediately.

Ready to fight an entire nation for his daughter, but not ready to find her sitting on the sink..

..In her underwear...

..And phone in her hand.

His conservative mind couldn't fathom what the hell she was doing.

She covered herself and screamed at him to get the hell out. And he was about to, until he saw what was on her screen.

Sasuke grabbed his daughter's wrist before she could react and frowned when he realized his eyes didn't deceive him. That was indeed a picture of his daughter's indecent body. He quickly looked away from the photo to glare at her. "Sarada what is the meaning of this?"

She kept her hands on her body, trying to reach out for her phone at the same time. "Please just give it back and get out!" She shouted desperately.

He was about to smash the phone against the floor and shatter it into millions of pieces and then set it on fire with ameterasu to get his point across. But just before he could throw the damn thing, his eyes caught the words under the photo.

 _ **borumaki** sarada wtf put some clothes on girl!_

 _ **borumaki** or come over(;_

His left eyebrow twitched as he connected the pieces. Sarada had sent a naked picture of herself to Boruto? His fucking apprentice? The dobe's idiot son who practically begged for him to take him under his wing. He was like a son to Sasuke. _Was_.

He was going to demolish-no, he was going to obliterate him. Burn away all of his dumb blonde hair and gauge out his leering blue eyes. And any other bastard's who has been looking at his little girl.

Sasuke glared at his daughter. "Who else did you send this to?"

Sarada's lip quivered. "..J-just him." She managed to say in a small voice. He looked at her and frowned, where did he go wrong? Well, he supposed abandoning her all her life might have a part to do with it, but he'd deal with that later. Right now he had to strike the hokage a proposition to let him kill his firstborn.

* * *

"Where is he? I'm gonna kill him!" Sasuke kicked down the door to the hokage's office to meet his best friend's stunned face.

"Who?" Naruto tilted his head.

"Your goddamn disgrace of a son." Sasuke said, approaching the desk and showing his daughter's phone to the hokage. Naruto read over the messages, cringing.

"I tried to warn your son that I was coming for him."

 _ **S_Uchiha** Boruto this is Sarada's father. You disgust me prepare to die._

"I see." Naruto nodded and twisted his mouth when he saw what his son had replied.

 _ **borumaki** you were gone all her life why u tryna be her father now? too late she already got a daddy(;_

He blew air out of his nose and ran a hand through his shabby blonde hair. "Bolt." He called.

Bolt sighed tiredly from downstairs, was she coming or not? "In the kitchen." He shouted.

"Bolt?" Naruto tried again. Sasuke tapped his foot impatiently.

Bolt groaned and began trudging towards the stairs. "I'm coming."

"Bolt!"

He winced at the scream, "I said-" He started before realizing it wasn't his father.

"Sarada?" He looked over his shoulder.

She put her hands to her knees trying to catch her breath. He looked at her clothed body with a little frown.

"So you finally decided to show up?"

She rolled her eyes. "Shut up, anyways, c'mon we need to get out of here."

"What's the rush?" He winked, approaching her slouched body and putting a hand around her shoulders.

"My dads going to kill you."

Bolt chuffed. "Doubt it-"

"Get your hands off my daughter!" Sasuke dashed down the stairs, Naruto racing behind him.

He grudgingly removed his arm from her.

"What's gotten into you?" Naruto chastised his son. Sasuke's fingers twitched with the urge to smash his face.

Boruto stepped away from Sarada, looking at his feet.

"I don't get what the big deal is-"

"You were trying to defile my daughter, you bastard." Sasuke growled from the hokage's side.

"She wanted me to!" He said indignantly.

Sasuke stared at his daughter, that couldn't be true. His daughter had more class than to willingly throw herself at boys, much less Bolt.

"Sarada," he said, "is this true?"

The girl who was wordlessly standing as Bolt took the heat for her frowned. Why did he suddenly decide to put her on the spot like that?

"You wanted to first!" She accused, pointing a finger at Boruto.

"What?" Bolt squeaked. "What are you talking about? You're the one who sent the nude!"

"Well you're the one who asked for it!" She screamed back.

He stared at her with shock. She got cold feet and added quietly, "...Indirectly."

"Again," He said, " _What_ are you talking about?"

" _You_!" She accused. "Y-you keep sending mixed signals and looking at me weird."

Sasuke immediately glared at him, no boys would be looking at his daughter in any sort of way. He briefly entertained locking him in a genjutsu where he was blind.

"Uh." Bolt mulled. Trying to decide if this way really the time and place to confess.

He came out with the explanation everyone was waiting for.

"You're really cute and didn't know how to tell you?"

Sarada felt her heart burst, "Really?"

Before he could affirm, he saw blue sparks emerging from her dad's hand. Bolt ran once he heard the shrieks.

"Come back here to bastard!" Sasuke ran after him.

"Stop! Dad, please!" Sarada ran after him.

Naruto contemplated running after them, but decided to watch from the balcony instead.

* * *

 **got the idea for this while watching a video on turtle egg poaching in costa rica with my brother/loosely inspired by all the naruto roleplayers on instagram who made me hate the kids just a lil bit less**

 **i dont write shit for years and this is all i got. pity**

 **and if naruto has a mac his son has a fucking iphone ok**


	2. Chapter 2

**disc: not mine**

* * *

Mitsuki stretched his arms out against the patio's bars. It was just another regular day of stealing his neighbor's WiFi to text Boruto.

They're conversation made Mitsuki raise his pale eyebrows a few times, particularly when Bolt admitted to receiving nudes. And truthfully, he would have been happy for him, had the nudes not belonged to their teammate.

Not that anything was wrong with Sarada in general, she was just sort of, kinda..boring.

Try as he might, he could never see what the rest of his year saw in her. Truly.

She was just the lanky, pasty girl with boring black hair and cold black eyes behind nerdy glasses. Nothing special to be having wet dreams about.

He was much more interested in her friend.

Her bodacious friend, with the big thighs and the attitude to match.

Chouchou Akimichi, what with her ginger hair and honey eyes and mocha skin.

Honestly, she was good enough to eat.

And that mouth, the one that both terrified and excited him every time he saw her munch. She was a magnificent eater really, big lips smacking around trained teeth, ready to destroy any meal with her strong jaws.

One time he saw her put a whole wrap in her mouth. But he caught himself staring before she could and excused himself to the restroom.

He really didn't know why he found it so erotic, he supposed he had an oral fixation. But watching others eat wasn't nearly as fascinating as watching her. Others didn't have half the carnal pleasure she put into her meals. And as much as the Hokage loved ramen, even he didn't have shit on the way Chouchou slurped each noodle.

He cleared his throat and began texting his friend.

 _ **mitsuki** Boruto, I need your help._

 _ **borumaki** yea dude? whats up_

 _ **mitsuki** How exactly did you manage to get Sarada's nudes?_

 _ **borumaki** bro im not giving you her nudes those are mine_

Mitsuki cringed at the text. Why in the world would Boruto think he wanted her scrawny, pale nudes?

 _ **mitsuki** I wasn't asking for them._

He frowned, how could he word this?

 _ **mitsuki** I was asking for your help on getting other girls to send me some.._

He'd pressed enter before he could over think the text. He face-palmed, that was so not smooth, but he was desperate.

 _ **borumaki** lmaooooooo whos?_

 _ **mitsuki** No one in particular._

 _ **borumaki** bro dont gimme that shit come on! just tell me_

Mitsuki tapped his foot anxiously on the ground, stomach knotting while thinking about telling him.

 _ **borumaki** unless.._

 _ **borumaki** the rumors were true and u really are gay!_

 _ **borumaki** u just had to ask bro id be happy to send u my nudes ;)_

He chuffed. As if.

 _ **mitsuki** Bolt. Seriously._

 _ **borumaki** lol ok ok but u have to tell me!_

Mitsuki took a deep breath before typing.

 _ **mitsuki** Fine. Sarada's friend._

He didn't dare write her name. Hoping the vague description would pass over Boruto's head.

 _ **borumaki** BROOOOO_

 _ **borumaki** NO WAY LMFAOOOOO_

 _ **borumaki** chouchou? and dont try to deny it bcoz sarada has no friends other than her n like my sister_

Mitsuki locked his jaw. Maybe he shouldn't underestimate Boruto's intelligence next time. Or maybe he made it too easy.

 **mitsuki** Are you going to help me or not?

 **borumaki** lmao yes ok but first at least tell me why

 _ **mitsuki** Why what?_

 _ **borumaki** why her? like im pretty sure she hates u_

 _ **mitsuki** Always want what I can't have I guess._

 _ **borumaki** -_- dude cmon! just say it_

 _ **mitsuki** Fine. #Thicc_

 _ **borumaki** lmfaooooo ehhhh_

Was Boruto blind? Did he not marvel at the sight that was her donk?

 _ **mitsuki** Dude._

 _ **mitsuki** Booteh._

 _ **borumaki** true true okay so this is what u do_

 _ **borumaki** dm her and be like whatsup lil momma_

 _ **mitsuki** Definitely not.  
_

 _ **borumaki** too late (;_

 _Mitsuki stared at the comment before he got a notification for another. Turned out Bolt had created a dm including himself, Chouchou and Mitsuki. His stomach flipped when she replied._

 _ **borumaki** yo! chouchou_

 _ **akimunchou** what_

 _ **borumaki** go on mitsukiiiiii_

 _ **akimunchou** i thought i blocked u_

 _Mitsuki panicked, not ready to confess to her. And instead, took to being the defensive asshole he always was._

 **mitsuki** TITS OR GTFO

akimunchou blocked them both.

* * *

 **i only love mitsuki**

 **he want that cakecakekackaekkkaskcekae**


End file.
